was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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