thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
