highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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