Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
