do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
tell me about the fingering
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