My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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