how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize