I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
