2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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