Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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