Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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