the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
