so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
