***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
