so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
