If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
