i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
