bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
