is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
