Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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