I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
im holly from the hills drunk
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
