i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Say something about gay babies.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
