Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
