the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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