Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
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