I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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