I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
