I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
