Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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