Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
