Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
