god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize