Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
