he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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