God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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