now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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