Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize