and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
