Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
