New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
