we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
