Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
