Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
