you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
