Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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