Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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