i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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