I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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