I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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