come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
