a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
