why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Where is the hickey?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
