There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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