i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
