i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
