I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
