I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
