but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
