Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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