MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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