Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
