in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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