Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
