sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
