I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize