everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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