I cannot find my penis.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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