my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
