i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
