Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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