whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
