How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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