you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
