i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
