i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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