My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
