if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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