i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
