your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just had sex on a roof
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
