You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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